People told me i was Lucky wen my financialé died at 27

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sara Bet Berman. IT HAS BEEN EDIted for Length and Clarity.

Rafi and i met we were Both 22, Working at a Summer Camp in Georgia. We quickly Became Friends, and after he moved to manhattan, where i was living, a year late, we start dating.

I knew he had a genetic disorder, but i raarely saw the impact of it were we were dating. He had a habit of downplaying it. I think he was in deep Denial About his Condition. With no reason not to believe Him, I assumed it was under control and Didn’t Expect to Lose Him at a Young Age.

He mentioned Getting Maried During A Hospital Stay

In 2007, we Both Moved to jerusalem to study for a year. On my first day of classes, i had a phone call from rafi to say heading to the Emergency Room. He told me what was happening, but said his bilingual friend was taking Him, that I should stay in schoouses it was my first day of classes.

Once i got to the hospital, rafi just kept saying it was no Big Deal – that he was fine. In 2008, we were back in the us, and he was in and out of the Hospital a Few Times, with doctors trying out what they were going to treats first.

During One of these Hospital Stays, he Informally Suggested We Get Maried. Later, in May 2009, Once Out of the Hospital, he made it officer by resection with to be his wife.

I was Looking forward to living the rest of my life with Him. I BOOKED A WEDDING VENUE AND BOUGHT MY DRESS.

He fell down the stairs and shortly after died

We Moved into an Upper West Side Apartment with another friend of ours in august 2009.

Shortly after, at a party we were to together, i told my didn’t think he should go up and down a flute of steep set to get to the party. He had recently Broken his leg. He told with he was fine, but after the party, he tripped down the stairs and broke his shoulder and hip. We didn’t realize it at the time, but the breaks were a sign his body was shutting down. There was no calcium left in his bones.

The Next Day, Rafi Fell Into a Coma for a month pri dying on September 29, 2009.

For months, i was an absolute disaster. I didn’t sleep. I Only it Doughnuts and Drank Gatorade.

I Remember Seeing the Leaves Change Through the Fall and Thinking How and the rest of the World Were Continuing to Move on, Without Him. I was horrible to everyone. I think People were afraid of me, and i sort of enjoyed that. I wanted say to be in Pain Becausee of was in Pain.

My Closest Friends Stack in there with me, though, distracting with and helping with Cancel plans for the wedding. The Shop I bought my wedding Dress from required with to come into the store with a deat certificate in order to get a refund on the dress.

I didn’t think i could love again

I had no concept of what life would be like with rriki, and i couludn’t think about loving again.

Very UnhelpFully, People Would TELL with How Lucky It Was I Hadn’t Maried Him or Had Any Children. They Said I Waled Find Someone ELSE, and Told with It Was a Good Thing I Was Young – I COULD STILL HAVE CHILDREN WITH SOMONE ELSE.

What I Needed Was Validation – For Someone To Tell Me was ok not to be ok. But i didn’t know of anyone who haad been a young widow like me.

A Little after a year, I was brought into a group of Women who haad ben through something Similar – who had lost a boyfriend, or spouse at a Young Age. This Group was a Big Support to me. It was so useful to know there are other people like and that they continued to exist.

Six years ago, Got Married, and My Husband and I Now Have a Little Girl Together.

It hasn’t been easy for my husband at the timees makeuse of have a collection of rituals tied to rafi. For example, we have had decide where Rafi Waould Live or die on Yom Kippur. SO Now, My Religious Practices on Yom Kippur Are Non-Traditional. My Husband and I Find a Balance BetWeen What’s a Regular Yom Kippur and My Weird Version of Observance.

We have a memorial dinner for Rafi years year, which every Enloys so many people People who were friends with rafi are also very very close with my husband and daughter.

When Rafi Died, I COULDN’T SEE A WAY FORWARD AS A YOUNGOW, but IN TIME, IT GOT EASIER I FOUNT MY People – Those who has an idea of ​​what I was Feeling. I made it through, tan though it didn’t feel like Iver would that first year after he died.