Why do some husbands suffer from emotional and sexual separation?

Kamal (46 years old) is a political and social activist, who raises many political and social issues and has hundreds of followers on the social networking site, Facebook.

Kamal describes his relationship with his wife, saying: “My relationship with her has turned from a relationship full of love into a form of mutual respect such as two co -workers, as emotional and sexual attraction between us has disappeared many years ago, specifically after she had our first child.”

“I did not blame her for abandoning our joint bed, even after several months of birth, and I justified it for her, that it might be due to the change of her mood and psychology by virtue of changing her hormones after birth, so I consulted psychologists to revive our relationship, but it took a longer period than she imagined, and with the passage of time, she no longer attaches any importance to the emotional and sexual relationship between us, especially after having the second child.”

And it came to the point that she asked him to stop behaving like teenagers and “lack of interest in romance and sex if he tries to tickle her feelings or approach her because he became a father.”

“Thuraya believes that she is an ideal wife for her interest in children and home and social duties, but I see her only ideal as a mother and a housewife and not as a wife.”

Kamal went through a state of boredom and depression because of his wife’s unwillingness to him, so he closed himself and fell in his room with his virtual friends, whose number has reached hundreds on Facebook.

With the passage of time, the number of his admirers, who started two thoughts at his ideas at times and his direct playing on his musical machine on the Facebook page at other times, returned to his self -confidence again. And these comments and praise restored his self -confidence, he said.

Kamal was happy with compliment, praise, and private romantic messages, and some of his fans asked to meet him, and some of them turned into “love and sexual meetings later.”

“I could not resist the temptations by exciting young women at a time when I felt that I was emotionally dead and there is no spirit in our marital relationship.”

Kamal believes that he is not the only one who lives in such a situation and says: “I know that people are calling negative names on a gay man, and they blame me, but I am not the only one who lives like this, there are dozens of people like me in the circle close to me.”

Kamal Hayatin has two lives: the apparent to satisfy society and the family and represent the role of the ideal father and husband, and the private he spends with his beloved secretly on weekly holidays.

Social researcher Hamid Al -Hashemi believes that the likes of Kamal are many, but instead of providing justifications for his mistakes and his weakness in front of his whims, it was better for him to discuss these fine details with his wife, and tell her about what he is in his mind and what might result in the future if she continued to treat him in that way, to reach a solution that satisfies the two parties and saves them from committing mistakes against some of them or making the case.

He adds: “The wife is also wrong to neglect the emotional and sexual aspect in their marital relationship, because she asks him to suppress a natural human need outside his abilities, and it is necessary for the continuation of love between the spouses.”

As for the psychologist, Amal Al -Hamid, she indicates the need to get rid of the saying, “I did what is in the end of” because that signs the two parties in feeling despair and with the sense of each party that he is the victim and that the other party is responsible. “

She adds: “The two parties should think about the positive aspects and remember the beautiful and difficult times that they lived together, and the initiative to transfer positive behavior through coexistence. For example, the husband can initiate attention to the wife and flirt with her and appreciate her efforts to transmit good treatment infection, and the wife must take initiatives to draw the attention of her husband as well.”

As for Mitra and her husband, Rustam, they are Iranian couple in the mid -forties of their ages. They moved to live in Birmingham, Britain, with their teenage daughters since 2005.

Metra suffered from breast cancer and then the uterus 10 years ago, and her breasts, ovaries and uterus were removed, which turned her personality from an active active and acceptable acting woman to another anxious, isolated, and unworthy, as described.

Mitra indicates that she lost sexual desire since the occupation operations, and her desire to communicate with others and her husband decreases, and she says: “My only window on life is my daughter’s presence in my life.”

On the level of her relationship with her husband, she says: “This situation does not justify my husband to search for another woman, but he did it and revealed his command, so his goodness between her and me, so he chose me because he realized that he would lose his two daughters as well.”

She explains her position by saying: “If my husband was the one who was cancer, for his support until the last day of my life, then marriage promised to stay together in good and bad times and not only in good times, men should learn to sacrifice and give up their selfishness.”

But Mitra contradict herself after a while and says: “I know that I cannot meet his natural needs, and I feel guilty sometimes, but at the same time, I do not accept the idea of ​​abandoning me, and I like any female I do not accept to be unwanted.”

As for her husband Rustam, the books have become almost every world, and he hardly contributes to any activity outside his work, and it remains all the time is calm and silent according to the wife’s description, and his teenage daughter describes him as a “boring father.”

Psychologists and social workers are unanimously brings the need for couples who go through such situations, in the visit of psychologists to save their marital life before it is too late.

However, the culture of consulting psychologists and social workers in some societies is still uncommon. Social researcher Hamid Al -Hashemi comments on the case of Rustam by saying: “He is not fine, and a great exhibition of severe depression and its uncomfortable results.”

“The reason that prompted her to marry in Turkey is the difficulty of the lives of refugees there, especially women, because she was constantly harassing,” said Samar, 29, who was displaced from Syria to Turkey since 2015.

She chose to marry “for a decent life that preserves her dignity,” but she was later surprised by the social differences between them and a completely different way of life from what she used to.

She says that her life is “confined to raising children, cleaning and meeting the requests of the husband” who does not care about her desire, but rather with what he wants even if it is forcibly, and that the only reason that makes her continues with her husband “socially closed and prevents her from the simplest things like visiting the neighbors except with his permission” is that he is the only financial source of the money she needs to support her two children.

“If I had other options, I would not have stayed with him an additional day, because I did not get used to such treatment from my family, there is no value to my opinion and my dignity, not even my emotions here, it is sex on demand only.”

The psychologist Amal Al -Hamid sees that if the couple realizes the reasons and possesses the will of the solution, it will be very easy to overcome the problem, but if one of the two parties marginalizes the other side and scratches his feelings and the language of dialogue and frankness between them is absent, the problem will worsen and become more complicated, and in the end the two parties face emotional and psychological divorce, which is more difficult than public divorce.

In many cases, one of the two parties exerts its effort to change the situation, routine and monotony in their lives while the other party sticks to that routine, so the other surrenders in turn, after his attempts fail, according to Al -Hamid.

In order for the couple to overcome their problems, and return life to their emotional and sexual relationship, the problems should not be postponed and left accumulated, but rather put them into discussion with the selection of words that do not cause anger and resentment of the other party so that the matter does not turn into hatred and hatred.

For example, if the husband does not give a gift to his wife, let her initiate this and repeat the matter to draw his attention to what has been absent from his mind. With the passage of time and repetition, the infection of the positive initiative will also move to the other side.