A mum has been left fuming after her sister crushed her daughter’s dreams and revoked her promised role at her upcoming wedding – so she decided to get her own back
Having a family member refuse to attend your wedding can be a big blow.
Your wedding day should primarily be about you and your partner. The bride and groom should be able to celebrate their big day however they see fit, but sometimes that might mean clashing with guests who might be expecting something different to the plans they’ve got in mind. While no one can force you to have a wedding that suits them, you also can’t force them to attend, so when conflicts arise you need to think about whether you can compromise.
That’s the issue one bride is facing after her sister told her she won’t be coming to her wedding. The sister explained that she was initially looking forward to seeing her older sibling tie the knot, but after her sister broke a huge promise she’d made to her daughter, she’s now having second thoughts.
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In a post on Reddit, the mum said that when her sister – whom she gave the fake name Clara – started planning her wedding, she told her six-year-old niece (named Lily for anonymity) she could be a flower girl. Lily had been excited about her role and had even been referring to the event as “our wedding” ever since.
But now that the wedding is just a few months away, Clara has changed her mind – stating that only her fiancé’s two nieces will be allowed to be flower girls, and not Lily.
The mum wrote: “Last week, Clara called me to say that she changed her mind. She decided to have only her fiancé’s nieces as flower girls because they are from a very traditional family, and having them included would please his family. I tried to explain how much this meant to Lily and that she was really looking forward to it. Lily was already feeling part of the day and had even started calling it ‘our wedding’ whenever she talked about it.
“Clara said she felt really bad, but her future in-laws were very insistent, and it would make things smoother for the family dynamics. I got upset and told Clara that if Lily wasn’t included as she promised, then neither of us would attend the wedding.”
Since refusing to attend the wedding, the bride has called her sister “unreasonable” and has claimed she’s using her daughter to “manipulate” her. Even their parents have sided with the bride, saying the mum shouldn’t miss her sister’s “big day”.
She added: “I feel torn because while I don’t want to miss my sister’s wedding, I also don’t want to teach Lily that it’s okay for people to break their promises to her.”
Commenters on the post were largely on the mum’s side, with many saying they couldn’t see a reason why the bride and groom couldn’t include Lily as the third flower girl. They pointed out that weddings traditionally only have one flower girl, so by having both of the groom’s nieces in the role, they are already proving that they’re not a “very traditional family”.
One person said: “I would tell Clara she has to explain to your daughter, with you and your parents present, why she is no longer the flower girl. Make her be the bad guy and don’t let her put that on you.” Another added: “If the future in-laws are so traditional about flower girls, then there should only be one. If they think two is fine, then three should be as well. I have no respect for a family that is willing to hurt a little girl to get their way.”
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