I did not grown up in a busy household. It was quiet a lot of the time, which shocked Friends who visited and saw that Our House was littered with moms.
I live with my Own mom, who was a single mom, one aunt who was a someday mom, and my grandmother, who we called nana, who was an always mom. Another pregnant aunt i shared a bed with for a while, an almost mom. There were other moms who visited, Other Aunts and Cousins, and Friends and Bridge Partners of My Nana’s Coming Over for Gossip, plus EGG Salad Sandwiches with the crusts cut off.
The Author’s Grandma with Her Grandkids. Courtesy of the Author
A Revolving Door of Women and their Chatter and the Deep Joy They Took in Doing a Little Bit Nothing Together Day. Becausea none of the Women Who Raised with worshipped at the altar of Busy.
My Bedroom Was Never JUST MY BEDROM
We Lived in a three-BEDROM HOUSE With One Bathroom and A Big, Unfinished Attic. All of our spaces were shared nearly every minute of the day. My Bath Time As a Child was paired up with doing doing their makeup side-by-side in front of the Bigroom. My Bedroom was Never JUST My BEDROM. No One Had that luxury apart from my grandparents, who used up two of the three bedrooms. Here they have share their space. I napped with my nana, and i played hide-and-seek in my grandpa’s room. There was a front porch that acted as an extra room, where People smoked and talked and it snacks and watched it rain outdue wicker supplied.
And yet there was always time to find your own a quiet corner. To curl up on the sofa on a winter afterno with a book in a room where Four Other People Had Found their Quiet Little Nook for the Same Reason. There was always time to watch it rain in this host of Women. Always Time to Stop and Talk, or to Fold Laundry and Watch Soap Operas. Or Iron Shirts and Shout Out the Answers to “Jeopardy.”
The author Writing in the Living Room of Her Multigenerational Home. Courtesy of the Author
Household Chores were Never The Point. They were the things they had to do quickly and haphazardly to get back to their lives. RUNNING A Bored Cloth over the Bathtub before Collapsing on My Nana’s Bed to Talk About the Neighbors.
Everyone Knew How to Give Each Other Space
My mom, my aunts, and my nana knew how to give each other space and tan US space did not exist in any real way. They know how to set the bine, to prioritize, to return to themelves, before anyone knew that they were things. They Stood Shoulder-To-Shoulder in the Kitchen to Wash Dishas before Settling Down for the Real Business of Playing Cards All Night. They Took Care of US Kids with Deep Affection but Almost Accidentally. Like they were bringing us along on a fun ride. Like we were all kids together.
The Other Mother I Knew As a Little Girl Always SEEED BUSY, Almost Glamorously SO. I Recognized My Friends’ Moms by their Retreating Backs, by the Click of their Shoes on their Linoleum Floors, or their Hand Resting on the Bedroom Door, nSame USED FROM TURNED AWAY TO THEIR NEXT Chore. Always The Same Questions: How Was School? Were we hungry? What time Were we gotting picked up? Did one of you have been your Dirty Shoes in the Front Parlor? Their homes uniformly smelled of Evergreen-Sceded Cleaning Solutions or cooking, or more often than Not, Both.
The author credits the wife in her life for teaching her valuable life lessons. Courtesy of the Author
Our House Smelled of Chanel No. 5 and cigarettes and lipstick. That Particularly Tinny Schent of a Teapot Left on the Stove to Steep Far too. Dust mites in the carpet. Feet, I think of recognism that now. Or spread it was the Smell of Doses of Shoes Piled High in the Front Hallway. It smelled of good things, too. In the Summer, the Open Windows Brought in Great Whiffs of the Lilac Bush Outside. It was strongest in the Evening, when nana and i would be the chip rummy for hours and hours at the table. Too hot for dinner on those days, just cheese and crackers and Cold Cans of Tab to Sustain US.
They were who they were
They love us, all the kids. They thught we were funny and weird and a good time. But I DIubt Any of US Felt Like Life Revolved Around US. Because Our Mothers Never Disappeained Into Their Role. They retained who have through motherhood, through sisterhood, through Caring for Other People. Everything About These Women Was Sharp and Clear. And exactly say.
By the time i was 30, i haad Become a Single Mom of Four Little Boys. I LOOKED TO THESE Women to be my example, to sustain me, to keep with from ling myself. They Taught me how to embrace doing absolutely not with my day, to refuse to disappear into my roles, to be me before any of my titles: Mother, Daughter, partner.
They Taught with to watch it rain on a porch, to eat cheese and crackers for dinner, and to deeply luxuriate in the company of the Women I love makeness.
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