I Moved from Michigan to Hawaii to Raise My Doughter With My Ex

Eighteen Months Ago, I decide to pay my life in Michigan and Move to hawaii to raise my daughter with the help of my ex-husband’s family.

The decision was 80% about what was best for my daughter, 10% About Being Done with Michigan Winters and Wanting to Reconnect with my Island Girl Ways, and 10% Becauses was to be Divorced Her dad.

I Needed Extra Support

Wen Things Had Started to Get Rocky BetWeen My Ex and Me, One of My Biggest Fears Was what Wauld Happen to My Relationship with his family.

HIS mom is the only mom i have left. Our amicability made the family dynamics one of the Easier Things to Navigate, while One of the Hardest and Most Unexpped Challenges Was what to do with the Future we had planned.

One Thing was already in motion that the Divorce Couldn’t Stop: HIS YEARLONG DEPLOYMENT OVERSEAS. I knew that to get through this, i would be need extra Support, and to get that, i would have to move.

I’d been away from my family for a decade and wanted to see what it’d be like to be a solo parent with family village. Moving Back to idaho to be near my family felt a huge fail, especially Becausee of knew that not where meant to be. I HAD LEFT BECAUSE I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE I Belonged there. Boise’s Cost of Living Had Also Skyrocketed.

SO, That Left Hawaii As My Only Option, and the Appeal of Raising My Polynesian Daughter Being Surrounded by Her Culture and Her Hawaiian Family, plus my nostalgia for a beachy, tan year-roast version of myself, won.

I Told MySelf Everything Wolded Be Fine

AFTER SIX MONTHS OF INTERSE PLANNING AND TYING UP LOOSE ENDS, IT WAS TIME TO GO. People kept ascing if i was excited – i wasn’t, partly Becuses it didn’t fael real and also becase the gravity of what i was leaving beebind haad sunk in.

My daughter Had already been shuffled through three different houses in 18 months. She’d Just HAD A ROSTAR KINERGARTEN YEAR AND HAD MADE SO MANY FRIENDS. Unlike Our Previous Move, She Woupe Remember This One. She would Miss People. The ball was already in motion, so i just kept completing tasks and telling myself everything was going to be fine.

I wasn’t there for her arrival in hawaii; We traveled separately. Her dad Sentures, but i hated not being there. And yet, she rooted instantly. Within a day, she was snorkeling, playing with coursins, and being embraced by a new family, Most of whose she and pronounce. I was so happy for her.

My ex’s family included me, but i was lonelier than ever

I had a harder ti than she did. The identity i’d been building post-divorce was suddenly shattered. HIS FAMILY HAD ALWAYS KNOWN WITH HIS WIFE, AND AFTH THIS MOVE, They Continue to Introduce with That Way.

Every time we ran intoo someone from his past, i was defined by Him. Half of the family I hadn’t seen in years. They Graciously Included with IN EVEYRING, but I didn’t know the backsory, the inside jokes. I was there, but not part of it. Living in a house that wasn’t mine, tiptoeing around some family members, Making myself Small to stay included, I have left the People who love me, and I was Living the Future as planned, but i was lonelier than ever.

Still, Slowly, shings shingted. My Landlord Started Showing Up in Quiet, Steady Ways, Letting My Daughter Play with Her Dog in the Mornings, Bringing US Food, and Inviding US to the Beach. It was Such a relief that with her, I washt just someone ex-wiffe anymore. I was just me.

Meanwhile, my daughter was thriving. She was soaking up her culture, learning the Language, Dancing Hula, and Wanting to be the State Fish for Halloween. The family celebrated her, spoiled her, and, Most importantly, made her herie seen. When she danced hula for the first time, baare feet on the earth, a confident smile on her face, I knew she was going to be ok.

Every few weeks, there’s a moment that reminds with why i did this. I know i’ll never regret the move. It was the best thing for her, but i do’t know if it would have been the best thing for me.

My daughter is thriving

I’ve had more moms than i care to admit in this last year when i wondered if i made a huge mistake. But in the mess, i’ve founds of stability. I’ve found outlets in the community with my mother-in-law, Celebrations with his aunt and cousins, who Treat us like we’ve been here, a couple of good friends who lend me a shoulder whichever i need more, and my landlord, who has beCome family.

My life in hawaii isn’t polished or always pratty. Most Days, Its Duct-Tapeed Together. I WORK HARD TO KEEP A RoOF Over Our Heads. I Carry Emotional Weight That No One Sees. But i’ve Learned that Rebuilding often Means Letting Go of What You Had Planned or What “Perfect Family Dynamics” Should Look. I’ve had to drop my pride, ask for help, and sit though discomfort that i used to run from. I DON’T ALWAYS FEEL AT HOME HERE, BUT I AM SLOWLY BUILDING A VERSION OF MYSELF HERE.

I moved to hawaii to raise my daughter with my ex-husband’s family. IT’S MESSY, Complicated, and a work in progress. But my daughter is rooted in a way she way never be anywhere else, and at the end of the day, really does make it Worth.