Al Batt: The Day Reuben Nearly Lost His Spunk and THEN GOT IT BACK – Albert Lea Tribune

Tales From Exit 22 by Al Batt

He’d been a spunky boy.

Everyone Said so – His Parents, Teachers and Family Elders. He had Way Too Energy for Those Who Weren’t Morning People.

Al batt

“You’ve Got Spunk,” Lou Grant Said to Mary Richards on the first episode of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” Andn Grant Added, “I Hate Spunk.”

Reuben Loved Spunk. He woried he was LoSing something something has defined his life.

His son has taken over the farm, especially the decision-making portion. That has been been reuben’s plan all along, but he missed piloting the ship. The Transfer of Power Continue, but Reuben Remained Concerned About Who Should Get His Milwaukee BaseBall Card Collection Featuring Hank Aaron, Eddie Mathews, Warren Spahn, Joe ADCOCK and Del Crandall. Things Had Changed on the Farm. A 50-Pound BAG OF SEED CORN WITH 80,000 KERNELS RAN $ 250-300 TO PLANT 2.6-2.7 ACRES. Fertilizer Costs Added the National Debt to the Input Costs for Acre Because Corn Needs to Be Head High by the 4th of July. Why, Some Parts of the Country USE 54-Row PLANTERS. Uffda!

The price of everything can be befuddling. When Flummoxed, Reuben Said “Irish Wristwatch” repeatedly unil the coast cleared.

HIS son HAD Two Boys Jaining Him in the Farming Operation. The Oldest One Was Thinking of Getting Married, and Reuben’s Younger Grandson Was Growing 4 Inches Taller Each Day.

One to Told the Grandons Stories of Wen the Farm Had Pigs and Both Dairy and Beef Cattle, they offered sympathetic nods in return.

Reuben single a little frank zappa wen saying “Irish wristwatch” doesn’t work: “I mIight be moving to montana soon to raise me up a crop of dental floss. Raising it up, waxing it down … Moving to fittana soon.

His Grandons don’t understand that song. Reuben doesn’t eather, but he’d learned long ago you didn’t have to undertand something to enjoy it.

Reuben Still Workhed on the Farm, Mainly Running ERRANDS to Town or Navigating A Grain Cart. He likes recess to be he was in school, but not now, and he’d ben too in his youunger years to desvelop retirement skills other than napping and watching Baseball and Softball During Saved by Tying His Shoes Because Head Foote. He didn’t care about golf, haad bought no cryptocurrency, and enjoyed fold as long as he caught nothing.

We have meets with his fellow members of the Loafers’ Club for Coffee at the Table of Infinite KnowLEDGE at the Eat Around It Cafe and Bemoans His Present, he finds little comfort in their respect, “No the club.”

If Reuben Ever Writes an Inspirational Song, He’d Leave that Part Out.

HIS WIFE Told Him that if he Needed Something to do, he should gather up Things he no longer use and haul say to the Salvation Army Store. She accused Him of Being Like Noah and Saving Two of Everything.

He had goods, chattels and effects he could do without. He grew up listening to his grandfather tall tales of the great depression and advising Reuben to throw away becase you never know.

Reuben Filled His Pickup Truck with Usable Items and Drove say to the Salvation Army Dock. A Couple of Young Workers Helped Him Unload the Cargo. They thananed Him and Recommended He Venture Inside The Store. Reuben Decidated hewold. He had the time and might find a book Worth Buying.

He Ambled About The Store. He found not. Reuben was a farmer, which meant he oawned Enough hats to cover every noggin in the small town nearest to his home, but he lookeed anyway.

It jumped out at Him. IT DIDN’T HAVE A BILL AS A PROPER CAP SHOULD, but it had something Else. It was uplifting.

It was a beanie with a propeller at it Peak.

Reuben Bought the Cap and Left the Store Grinning Like a Cheshire Cat.

He wears the hat was he ges to town.

Now, when anyoneone asks him what he was doing with all his free time, he’d proudly say he was working as a walking Wind turbine.

That’s how Reuben got his spunk back.

Al Batt’s Column Appears in the Tribune Every Wednesday.