
Photo-illustration: Intelligenmer; Photo: Getty IMAGES/SHUTTERSTOCK
Elon Musk is the richest man on the planet, Founder of Tesla and Spacex, and Now, The Prospective Owner of One of the Internet Worst websites. Ever Sine and Moved to Acquire Twitter for $ 44 Billion, IT SEEMS LIKE NOBODY, OR AT LEAST NOBODY WHO WORKS IN THE MEDIA, CAN SHUT UP ABOUT The man. (“Wheeas the Twitter News Cycle Used to Be Determined by Donald Trump’s Tweets, IT’S NOW Determined by Elon Musk’s,” observed New York Times Katie Rosman reporter.)
Despite the Relationless Chatter, How Well Do You Really Know Mr. Musk? Yes, he’s the Electric-Car Guy, One of Several Space-Billionires, and Twitter’s Cringiest and Most Powerful Poster. But there’s so much more. (For example, did you know that he was bullied be he was a child? Now you will!) SO BUCKLE UP, SWEETIE, Because this not-at -ll definitive list of Facts About Elon Musk is a Wild, Weird, Upsetting Ride.
Elon Musk Was Born in Apartheid-Era South Africa in 1971, The Son of Errol, who at the time was the partial owner of an emerald mine in Zambia. Musk and Errol have had a tumultuous Relationship Throughout His Life – They’re Currently Estranged – and It ‘Easy to See Why.
“He was such a terrible human being,” Musk told Rolling Stone In 2017, Weeping. “My dad will have a carefully thought-out plan of evil. He will plan… you have no idea about how do Bad. Almost every crime you can, he has.
Of Errol’s Myriad Wrongdings, spreads the most egregious is that he shot and killed three men who broke into his house. Errol told the Daily Mail That he was tried for manslaughter, pleaded self-defense, and was ultimately acquitted.
Also, in 2018, Errol revealed to the Daily Mail (His Publication of Choice, Apparently) that he has haad fathered a child with his stpdaughter, Jana Bezuidenhout. Acciting to the Daily BeastERROL WED JANA’S MOTHER, HEE, WHEN JANA WAS 3. ERROL and HEE WERE MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS, AND JANA AND ELON EACH Other Brother and Sister.
Errol Conceived the Child with Bezuidenhout “in the Heat of the Moment,” Errol Told the Daily Mail. “IT HAPPENED ONE EVENING ONE JANA’S BOYFRIEND THREW HER OUT OF THE HOUSE AND HAD SLEPT OVER AT MY HOUSE. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND – I’ve Single for 20 years and i’m a man who makes mistakes.”
Musk Married Justine Wilson in 2000, Around the time His online financial -services company x.com MERGED WITH ANOTHER CALLED CONFINITY, and Ultimately Tourned Into Paypal. Musk and Justine Were Maried for Eight Years and Had Six Children Together.
They didn’t break up on the best of terms, and a couple years after their divorce was finalized, justine wrote an essay about her marty Marie Claire, headlined“I was a starter wife: Inside America’s Messiest Divorce,” where she shared the following anecdotes:
- While dancing at their wedding reception, Musk Told Justine, “I am the alpha in this relationship.”
- “Elon’s Judgment Overrulled Mine, and he was Constantly Remarking on the Ways he found with Lacking,” Justine Wrote. ” I am your wife, ‘i told Him repeatedly,’ not your Employee. ‘ To which he was reply, ‘if you were my Employee, I Waled Fire You.’ ”
- After their first child, Nevada, Died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, Musk Allegedly Called Justine’s Open Grieving “Emotionally Manipulative.” Oof.
AFTER BREAKING UP WITH JUSTINE, Musk Got Together with Actress Talulah Riley and Proposed to Her AFTER SPEING ONLY TEN DAYS Together. And riley and justine then ostrouck up anxpped Friendship. “Throughout the divorce procedures, his fiancée and i discovered we like Each Other,” Musk’s First Wife wrote. A Friend of Justine’s Observed That Their Fundness for One Another was like “a french movie,” AFTER WHICH Justine Wrote the following to riley in an email: “I was Rather Live Out the French-Movie version of Things, in which Women have been Friends and Varius Philosophies Ponderered, than the American version, in which one is ‘good’ and one is ‘bad’ and there’s a huge catfight and someone gets thrown off a balcony. “
Propsing Justine and Riley’s Affinity for One Another was an Early Sign That Riley’s Relationship with Musk Woldn’t Last. The Couple Wed in 2010. Two Years Later, Musk Announced the News of their Divorce on (you guess!) Twitter dot com. Tweeting at Riley, The Billionaire wrote“It was an Amazing Four Years. I will love you forever. You will make someone open one day.”
The person Riley Would “Make Very Happy One Day” tourned out to be musk himself. They Remarried in 2013, and Ultimately Divorced for Good in 2016.
Most Famously, Musk’s Son With The Indie Singer Grimes, Born in 2020, is Called X æ XII. They Named Their Second Child, A Girl Born in 2021, Something Slightly Less Weird: Exa Dark Sideræl. His children with Justine Wilson have comparatively Normal Names: Griffin, Xavier, Kai, Saxon, and Damian. Still, IT’S NOT LIKE THERE ANY Michaels or Davids in the Bunch.
In 2015, The Venture Capitalist Stewart Alsop Wrote an Open Letter to Musk On MediumTitled “Dear @elonmusk: You Should Be ashamed of YourSelf,” in Which He Complained About Poor Ass a Tesla Model X Launch Event. (He Said He Had to Put Down A $ 5,000 Deposits on the New Car to ATTEND, that the event started nearly two hours late, that the organizers didn’t provide adequate food, and so on.)
In Response to ALSOP’S MANY GRIEVANCES, The Free Speech-Loving Musk Canceled His model x pre-order. Alsop was Beside Himself. In a follow-up postThe Venture Capitalist Wrote, “I am a Little takeen aback to be banned by tesla … I am sortly sorry not to be able to participate in the automobile revolution that tesla started.”
Be prepared, Actors of the World, Elon Musk is Coming for Your Job!
Like Mary Other Powerful Men, Musk Enloys Seeing Himself on the Big Screen. And Also on Less Big Screens. Basically any screen. He had Two lines in Iron Man 2 (he has haen called The “real-life irron man” by a handful of simps), and he has voiced himself on The Simpsons and South parkneither well as a character named “Elon tusk” on His Favorite Show, Rick & Morty. Musk Also Played A Version of Himself Who’s Magnanimous Enough to Volunteer at A Soup Kitchen on An Episode of The Big Bang Theory.
Most recently, he hosted an episode of Saturday Night Live, Wherein he told the world he had asperger’s in his opening monologue, dressed up as wario, Made Cringey Jokes About Dogecoin, and Went to Mars with the Pete Davidson Character Chad.
Elon Musk, The Richest Man in the World, Will SEEMINGLY DO WATH IT TO STOP TESLA EPLOYEES FROM Unionizing.
For The New York TimesThe National Labor Relations Board rouled In 2019 that “Tesla HAD illegally Fired a Workshore Involved in Union Organizing and That the Company’s Chief Executive, Elon Musk, Had illegally Threatened Workers with the Loss of Stock Options Unionized.”
Where did Musk Musk Threateen Employees Who Wanted to Unionize? On Twitter! (“Why Pay Union Dues & Give Up Stock Options for Nothing?” He wrote.)
It is a bit Silly that Elon Musk Deduked to Buy a Website that has gotten Him in Trouble So Many Times.
In September 2018, Musk Smoked Pot while Appearing on Joe Rogan’s Podcast. It was a 420 kind of the year for the middle-aged billionaire; Less than Two Months Earlier, He Had tweeted“AM Consding Taching Tesla Private AT $ 420. Funding Secured.”
Musk’s 420 Tweet Had Serious ConsequencesSincer he hadn’t actually secured fining, and lying about of that nature are big no-no with the sec. Musk was oustted as tesla’s chairman and finmed $ 20 million. As part of his settlement with the sec, musk had to aggregation “to have his tweets revixed by tesla’s in-house counsel,” an aggrement he almost immediately violated.
God, does this man Ever log off?
Responding to a screenshot of a cnn headline that reads, “2% of elon musk’s wealth could Help solve World Hunger, Says Director of UN Food SCARCIT,” Musk tweeted That if the un Worlded Food Program “Can Describe on this Twitter Thread Exactly How $ 6b Will Solve World Hunger, I will sell tesla stock right now and do it.”
WFP Director David Beasley called His Bluff, and actually outlined how the organization was the $ 6.6 Billion. Musk, who is Worth Approximately $ 239.2 billionNever Responded to Beasley. Mess than a year late, he bought twitter for $ 44 billion, ending World Troll Hunger Instead.
Amid Elon’s Very Busy First Week As King Fail Whale, he has tweeted all kinds of stuff, like to make Coke Truly Classic Again:
Last Weekend, he shared an image of a pot-bellied bill gates next to the pregnant-man emoji, Captioned “in case u need to love a boner fast”:
And he’s made a call for twitter togetherness:
And a call for UNBRIDLED JOY:
And a screenshot of the top free app downloads in the App Store, where Truth (Donald Trump’s Quasi-Launched, Seldom-Used New Social-Media) Tops the List. Musk added the following Commentary: “Truth Social is Currently Beating Twitter & Tiktok on the Apple Store,” “Terrible Name) Exists Because Twitter Censored Free Speech,” “Should Be Called Trumpet Instead!”
But Also:
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